Holy cow! In less than 18 hours, twice that word, the word I’ve been searching for, slapped me in the face!
I hardly touched the computer yesterday after work and finally picked up a magazine that I hadn’t read in months. In both of those places, I was hit by that word. That idea. Both from new directions. It was NOT a coincidence.
You see, yesterday, someone at work told me that I was not “loyal” and that I lacked “vision”. Those of you that know me, know that me plus those words does not compute. AT ALL.
What was behind the veil was that I need to stop asking so many questions because I am not going to get the answers. “They” know what’s best. I’m to keep my head down and obey. Just do my job, let “them” take care of the rest.
My parents raised me to be honest. My mom has always had ZERO tolerance for lies. I was also raised to stand up for what is right. To be strong and help those that are weak.
To a fault, sometimes, I believe I am that person. Some people say I am too open. Too honest. Too Transparent. I expect too much by wanting others to be the same with me. To tell the truth. To come out from behind the curtain of b.s.
Well, dammit, in these times of marketing bullsh#*t and hype and people pretending they have more money than they do and having terrible debts spiraling out of control, shouldn’t we be more honest? Shouldn’t we be Transparent? Shouldn’t we ask questions to try to fix this mess we’re in? Shouldn’t we find a better way?
We are a nation full of BRILLIANT people with BRILLIANT ideas!
All the questions I have asked have been because I have been so loyal to the college; that it physically hurts me to see it suffer! To see it be less than it can be! It could be so great! It has such great people and is in the most beautiful place on earth!!!
All I have ever wanted for the college is what is best for its “people”. I have worked my butt off trying to do that! I have such big dreams for what it can become! I have tried so hard to do that.
I have fought ferociously for the people. Obviously, to my own detriment (like this post). But I don’t care. I care about this place way too much.
To say that I am not loyal and do not have vision, obviously, cut me to the core. All I have ever wanted was the truth. If we’re in trouble, then let’s get it out in the open. Let’s admit our mistakes. Only then can we get past them! Only then can we truly put our heads together and figure out a solution. That is what I’ve been begging for. I want to help dammit!
I am an idea person. I have visions, great visions, of what we can become. I am loyal to a fault for those I care about. And I care deeply about the college. If I didn’t, this wouldn’t hurt so much. And it does.
I don’t know if I can “keep my head down” and “stop asking so many questions”. It is not who I am.
Maybe I need to chase a different dream. Maybe I need to give up on that one. Maybe it is a “Dip” (from Seth Godin’s book) that I need to get out of. Maybe I need to focus my visions elsewhere? Maybe I need to be loyal to somewhere else? Somewhere Transparent.

